(more of don’t follow my instructions on this one)
The Plan
1. Put remaining rotisserie chicken you bought last week in a big pot of water. Take nap while it cooks.
2. Turn off heat. Let chicken cool. Take nap.
3. Remove bones and other inedibles from pot and put into compost bin. Add vegetables and spices. Turn on heat. Cook for 20 minutes. Take timed nap.
4. Eat soup. Feel better. Take restorative nap.
The Reality
1. Sit on couch with no energy, browsing social media. Find Instapot recipe for chicken chili. Decide that counts as chicken soup. Take nap.
2. Find mostly canned ingredients for chili. Remove from pantry to chair. Cuddle with cat. Take nap.
3. Feed cat, who is yowling that it’s dinner time.
4. Get out stepstool to find random ingredient on high shelf. Succeed. Throw out boxes of pudding that expired in 2015 that had also found way to high shelf.
5. Find dragon steam valve topper parents gave you for Christmas. Spend all energy installing it on steam valve.
6. Manage to drag self to kitchen and remove meat from carcass of chicken. Put in pot. Add beans and veg and spices. Put on electric kettle for cup of tea.
7. Put lid on instapot. Press chili button. Wonder if you did it right.
8. No steam is building. Turn off Instapot. Remove dragon. Remove steam valve with dragon. Re-install valve. Press chili button again.
9. Put spices away in cabinet. Glass jar of cardamom falls from box and attacks water glass, knocking it to the floor at shattering it at your feet, which are bare.
10. Stand in puddle of water and broken glass, remembering time this happened before and you embedded glass in your foot and had to go to the doctor and have it cut out. Be thankful that you didn’t put stepstool away. Use stepstool to extricate self from mess, not putting foot down fully, in case, there is glass that wants to enter foot.
11. Go check out foot in living room. There is a cut, but no feelable glass. Treat cut. Put shoes on. Go turn on kettle again because, of course, it went off when you were in catastrophe mode.
12. Sweep up mess and use paper towel to make sure all glass bits are up.
13. Await beeping of instapot.
Hungry Like the Wolfe 
Your kitty cat must have looked at you curiously through these high adventures. You poor thing – you put on quite a show. I’m glad you were able to escape the broken glass and I hope the chicken chili did the trick! Are you feeling better?
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